lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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