so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
