I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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