i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
