i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
