No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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