remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
