Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
