No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
