i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
