Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
