so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my shit smells like andre
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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