oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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