you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
