guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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