doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
