I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
