Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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