my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
