I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
