my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
