shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
