We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
