You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
