dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
