hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
