Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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