Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
