he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
