the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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