are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
