My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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