Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
