Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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