you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
