I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
