12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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