I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
