so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
