he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
