I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she peed on how many people?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
