Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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