hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
