Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
