I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
