I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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