I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
