also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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