My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
