Someone shit on the floor
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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