I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You are a genius and a whore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
