My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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