You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
