32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
