just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
