you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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