I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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