I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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