Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
