He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize