No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
