I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
