Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
