I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
