shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize