some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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