Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
