So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
