I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
